Date Everything! (2025): The Review

Overview

Date Everything! is the "dating simulator" we didn't know we needed. It's not a game trying to impress you with fantastic visuals or groundbreaking gameplay but a game that uses its heart and cheekiness to create a very entertaining experience. Love is in the air... and on the couch... and on the bed... and on the toilet?

Score: 7 out of 10

The Positives ✅

Date Everything might sound like a one-joke game: you’re dating different house objects, but it’s actually way smarter and more heartfelt than it has any right to be. The humor is consistently cheeky with genuinely funny, clever dialogue that fits perfectly with the "persona" each object has, and each “character” feels distinct in its own bizarre way. Romancing something like your bed or your toilet isn’t just a gag, it’s treated like a weirdly believable, sometimes endearing relationship.

What really surprised me, though, is how often the game slips from comedy into something deeper. Routes like Loneliness or Failure hit a bit harder than expected, adding an emotional layer that makes the experience feel oddly meaningful. With tons of different endings, memorable writing, and simple-but-stylish visuals, Date Everything is more than just a parody: it’s a strange little game that somehow makes you laugh and think at the same time.

The Negatives ⚠️

Despite Date Everything! being all about that love, we do have to hate on it a bit. Some of the romantic paths definitely feel like missed opportunities, leaning too much on the absurdity without delivering the same emotional payoff as the stronger ones. A few characters, especially the more abstract ones, start to feel more like one-note jokes stretched just a little too thin. That makes a couple of the endings feel very "bland" and "underwhelming". That sucks because you can clearly see the cheekiness and the smart comedy in most of the game, so seeing these missed opportunities ruin that vibe a bit.

The game’s minimalist visuals work for the vibe, but they might feel a bit too bare bones for players expecting more spice. And while replayability is solid overall, the core structure stays pretty repetitive, once you’ve gone through a few routes, the novelty of dating, say, a road sign starts to wear off.